I made a decision the next day I would be randomly kind to people around me. Now random acts of kindness can run the entire spectrum of kindness, from smiling at strangers to feeding people at homeless shelters. I've always wanted to get myself up at a very early hour on a Sunday morning, and head over to the homeless shelter and help out, but Sundays are my day off. So I decided to start at the smaller end of the spectrum: smiling. I would smile at every person that I encountered.
As I began my day, I smiled at the man that held the door open for me at my local Starbucks... and he smiled back and said, "Hello. How are you?" Then I smiled at the lady behind the counter. And the person that held the door open for me as I left the coffee shop. I smiled at the guards at the front gate at work. My coworkers, the man that I ran across during my jog, etc. I spent the entire day smiling. I noticed even when I was alone I was smiling. I just felt generally happier. My general mood was elevated, and it is quite possible that I elevated someone else's mood by smiling at them. I had no idea a smile could be so enlightening.
I am a quiet person, that keeps to myself. I don't usually make an effort to talk to people I don't know. After my little experiment I have noticed I am more open to smiling at strangers. I think if all the people could just practice these small free acts on a daily basis our communities would be a happier safer place for everyone.
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Many years back when I was in US for a short visit I watched a programme on PBS channel titled “CHILDHOOD” prepared by BBC. There were 3 episodes in which a variety of experiments on children from age near zero to 5-6 had been conducted all over the world to find out if environment affected the personality of a child. It is so long that I do not remember the details but the conclusion was that each child is born with a distinct personality and there is very marginal effect of the environment.
When in High School I read an essay by Oliver Goldsmith titled “The man in black.” In this essay a man was described who was outwardly against the beggars being in public places. When he happened to be in company of his friends and a beggar came near him, he would rebuke the beggar very harshly but after walking some distance with the friends he would make some excuse to return and give a coin to the beggar.
When I went to England in 1970 for the first time it was a very pleasant experience to see people smiling and greeting unknown persons. I began to think about the people back in India and it dawned on me that we seldom smile. We laugh and laugh heartily and very loudly even to the extent of disturbing and annoying those around us. I then realized that, at least in those days, the natural instinct of smiling of a child is killed in the process of his/her upbringing by the elders. There were strict rules of discipline enforced not only by parents and teachers but anyone and everyone who happened to be senior in age. The child was very harshly rebuked at the smallest deviations from the norms that were supposed to be observed by him/her. Since a child is very receptive till about 6 yrs of age to learn the survival skills, most of us became introverts and shy with great hesitation to express our feeling of happiness in public. This trend has changed in the middle class society in India but for majority living in the villages it still persists. The child becomes overburdened with the problems of livelihood that it becomes difficult for him/her to smile.
I am considered an entertainer, in the small circle of my colleagues most of whom are very tight lipped, because of my calling a spade a spade. I find it very strange that they have similar views but there is much hesitation in expressing those views lest their image would suffer. Once I asked one of them as to why he laughs with me at a particular remark but he does not speak as frankly himself. He told me that in his view I get very easily influenced by a person or a point of view and share my excitation with others. In other words, most of the time, he considers me a fool. This is the most amusing things in life that I have enjoyed is that people take me for a fool. As a child I did not have opportunity to watch many movies but one of the characters that greatly impressed me was Raj Kapoor and I liked his ability to make people laugh at him. There is great satisfaction in making people happy and laughing is one of the expressions of happiness.
I have found from my limited exposure to persons brought up in other cultures that in theory there is no culture as humane as Hindu but in practice it is not at all so good. We are insulated against misery and suffering of those around us. Perhaps the magnitude of this misery is so large that an ordinary individual is unable to muster enough courage to do his/her little bit although in our scriptures it is clearly mentioned that one should perform the act of kindness and generousity on a daily basis. It needs the boldness of Mahatma Gandhi or Ishwarchand Vidyasagar at the grass-root level to make our society a happier one. One of the reasons of not showing the acts of kindness on large scale is the mis-trust that exists in the society perhaps due to centuries of oppressive and foreign rule. It is good to see that the younger generation is more confident, trusting and openly kind.
The rather long description above is simply to underline that those who are kind hearted always perform acts of kindness without any outward exhibition but there are people very well educated who enjoy the misery of others. Many years ago I knew two equally bright students of whom one was close to me. At the end of their educational career I asked him about his future plans and he said that he would continue to work in the area of his specialization. When I asked as to what his friend planned, he said that the friend wanted to appear for the competition to become an officer in the Indian Administrative Service (I. A. S.). I was curious to learn as to the motivation for this person to become an I A S. The student told me that his friend had told that he enjoyed people begging for favour from him and that there was no better opportunity for this satisfaction than becoming an I A S officer. I do not know if the conversation between the two friends was in joke or serious but the fact is that this friend scored very high rank in I A S examination and became an officer. Several years later I met this officer and asked him as to how was he doing. He appeared very unhappy and dissatisfied with the kind of his superiors who were politicians and his subordinates who happened to be street smart party leaders. After a few years later this person went on a study leave to USA and is happily settled there. This shows that inner peace comes easily to those who are kind hearted.
In physics there is a phenomenon called ‘Resonance’. There is a very large amplification in the magnitude of the process when the external parameters tally with the natural parameters of the system. Perhaps it is true for human nature also and we get more influenced by thoughts, acts and persons who match with our own. In this light I am not at all surprised by your experiments immediately after your encounter with this person of ‘Random Kindness’ because the little that I have seen of you is a person out to help others. I would only like to remember you what I read somewhere long back: ‘Be just before you are generous’.
I greatly enjoyed your blog. It gives me a window to look at the thoughts of the new generation.
Hi Aiya,
Thank you for your lengthy comment. I read the whole thing. I think I naturally smile at people, more than people do in India. I made the mistake of smiling at some boys when I was in Pathiala last March, they followed me home. This would probably not have happened in the US. I know you have lived in the states, so you are aware people do smile more here.
To be honest though, I think Indian hospitality is unbeatable. I don't think there is another place in the world where people are so kind to let strangers come and stay and take care of them.
It does make me sad to think that Indians teach their children not to smile. Some children must lose their want to smile with their hard lives. That is very sad. I do think when you smile at someone they usually reciprocate. In knowing this, it is our duty to just smile at as many people as possible. Just make the world a happier place.
"Kisse ke muskara honthon pe bemaisal,
Kisse ke dard mil chuke tho le onthan
Kisse ke vasathe hon tere dil mein pyaar
jeena isse ka naam hain"
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